It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
