Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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