He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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