The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
