Screwed.edu
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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