Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
as a side note pls kill me
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
