she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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