Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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