ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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