you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
