Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
