Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We are all done wearing pants today
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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