I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
