You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
