it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
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FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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