Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
