We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize