i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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