Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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