He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
