I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Success! We fucked roommates!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
