I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
