it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
