i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
