you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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