Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
