So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
