I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
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I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
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My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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