Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
