i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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