I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
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I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
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I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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