wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My bed smells like the plague
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
