I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
