Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
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I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
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Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize