Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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