mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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