Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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