Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
