If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
