from now on my penis is your penis
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
