i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
