I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
