Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
