i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
