He disabled his match.com account in front of me
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
