Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
