the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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