Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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