I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
