Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
