it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
