did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
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It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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