i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
