thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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