Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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