I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
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