I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
