thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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