If i come over, it means nothing
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
