The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
