Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
