i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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